Chapter Nine –How I Came to Be. (Part Dos)

Chapter Nine –Saving My Parents

       In continuation from my last blog, I will be telling you how I tried to save my parents. It was at the age of three where my parents were taken away from me. At the time, I didn't know where they were, who took them, or what will happen to them. All I knew during the time was that they went missing from their room in the Tree in the middle of the night. There were scratches all over the walls, the bed was a wreck, and the rooms were all a mess. It was a disastrous scene and heart-breaking to look at. When I first saw the room I fell to my knees in sadness, asking the Koala Gads "why me?", but I got over that fairly quickly. I put my big boy pants on and began my week long investigation.

       I first traveled to the deep dark depths of Eastern Australian rain forest. Wait, maybe it was actually the Northern. Southern? You know what, I just went into a forest on a whim. I really can't be bothered to remember right now. Anyway, I went there and couldn't find them. Oh well, I guess I have to travel to a different place now... So then, I went to the lakes of Australia. Why? Don't ask me. But this was no ordinary lake, this lake was PINK! Have you ever seen a PINK lake!? I hadn't until that moment! I was so confused and yet so fascinated at the sight of this great body of water! Anyway, the search must go on... I checked every corner of the round lake and came up with nothing. Since I couldn't swim, I just gazed over the waters and prayed they weren't in there. So, I gave up. I was a failure, as my parents had totally never told me. I decided to go back home to the Tree and  just live my days on as an orphan koala.

      After days of crawling back to the tree, I finally arrived back home. To my dismay, my parents were sitting right there. Apparently, things got pretty "wild" and they destroyed the house and then went out to celebrate. And unfortunately that's how I got my little brother. That's a story for another time. Goodbye!

This is my little brother and that's the lake.

Chapter Eight –How I Came to Be.

Chapter Eight –How I Came to Be.

       Today, I will be telling you the magnificent tale of how I came to be. My parents, great nobles of Southern Australia, traveled the destructive lands of the country to inhabit our now home land, Western Australia. 
       This journey took a great deal out of my padres. Mountains, cliffs, abysses, deserts, and numerous amounts of trees were just a few of the many obstacles they had to go through to reach our new home. They began their journey as a herd, but became smaller everyday of their adventure. Their initial amount was 50…then 40…then 25…then ending with 5. The weak were being eliminated first, then the scared, and then the brave; leaving only the truly strongest of will to survive.
    
        My parents were one of the few to survive the 3 year long journey. Upon arrival, my parents were able to inhabit our now home tree, the Tree. It may not have the most original name, but it was good enough for us. Anyway, in this tree my parents were able to start a family, that's where I come in. I was the first koala child, then my brother, and then my little sister. My brother and I still live together today, but my sister, my poor sister, was captured by aliens and shipped off to the near planet of Koalatune. We never saw her again. I miss her sometimes, but life still goes on. 

        It wasn't until I was the age of 3 where my parents were captured and I had to go save them…And  that is where I leave you now, until next time, goodbye.

This is our family portrait before my siblings were born.

Chapter Seven – Staying Serious

Chapter Seven –Saying Serious

       Tony had caught my arm right before falling off of the cliff. Now, you may ask yourself, "Mr.Koalaman, why did you place yourself into that situation?". Well, I don't have an answer for that. But what I can tell you that it wasn't worth it and I'm sorry Tony for causing this situation.

       I was able to pull myself up while holding onto Tony and successfully secure myself into safety. But when I pulled myself up, I selfishly pushed down Tony, making him fall off the cliff and ending his life I assume. And that was the end of it. My happiness was now gone right before my eyes. Slipped off of my paws and down the abyss of sadness. Never again did I see him.

       After that horrific and life changing event, I cried for days. I blamed myself for his death and mourned him for hours. I would never forgive myself after losing my bestest friend in the whole wide wild and nothing can change that. I miss him so much, no words can amount to the true feelings I had towards my pet. Oh Tony, I miss you. If you're somehow alive right at this moment and you're reading my blog, please know that I'm truly sorry and no pet rock can ever replace you. I'm sorry Tony the Rock, you were my one and only.

RIP Tony the Rock

???-2015

This is the very last picture of Tony and I together.

RIP Our Friendship

2000-2015

Never mind, our friendship will never die!

Chapter Six –Time to Get Serious

Chapter Six –Time to Get Serious

       Today, it's time to get serious. This topic that I will be speaking about is certainly a sensitive one, so I would recommend for you all to sit down on your branch and just take it all in. Also, it's okay to cry, I'm here for you. Anyway, let's get into the meat of it. 
       
       This super duper serious topic is about my pet, Tony. Now Tony wasn't just any a loyal pet. He was the most loyal of all the pets that have ever existed in this land. Tony would go out and fetch me whatever I needed during the time I was sick, neglected, or just lonely. But Tony was more than just a pet, he was my best friend and I miss him so much…
   
        What happened to Tony can only be described as a tragedy. He was a hero, a hero that saved my life countless times in the past and would always come out on top. But not this time. Tony saved me, but he couldn't save himself. It was a day full of sadness and despair. On that Tuesday, and God I sure do hate Tuesdays, I slipped off of a cliff. Luckily, Tony had caught my arm right before I fell off. He was a blessing sent from the Koala Gods that may never ever be replaced by anything. Oh, how I miss him so…

        To be continued…

This is me crying for Tony.

Chapter Five – The Great Invention

Chapter Five –The Great Invention

       Today, I will be telling you the legendary story about our greatest invention to date, chocolate milk. It all started on, again, a Tuesday morning where I had been suddenly awoken from my deep twenty-two hour slumber. The night before this Tuesday was, once again, pretty rowdy. All of us koalas had a few rotten eucalyptus plants and got completely "wasted" as you hip kids would like to say it. Our "special eucalyptus" has this particular feeling, to which if consumed, you can no longer control the soft brains that we have. Anyway, I'm getting too off topic. On that day before Tuesday morning, I fell asleep on some unusual tree that I've never seen before. The leaves were thicker and wider than my standard eucalyptus tree. And it had this hanging fruit, or whatever it is, item off of the tree. Being my under-the-influence self, I thought this was my home tree. I was mistaken. What had appeared to awoken me was this miracle fruit thing that had fallen a few inches away from my pretty face, nearly hitting my little head. So, when I stood up and did my stretches, I climbed down the tree and discovered that the fruit had splattered all over the ground. The insides of this fruit contained some sort of a thick and brown gooey substance. Out of curiosity, I clawed this substance and licked it. To my surprise, it tasted disgusting. I started to run away from this devil tree and its deviled eggs too, never to turn back. I absolutely hated it. 

That's about it. Thank you for reading. 

This is me Tuesday morning. 

A great invention means to run away from something that tastes bad, right?

Chapter Four - Major Key Alert!!!

Chapter Four – Major Key Alert!!!

       Today, I will be telling you about a koala that has revolutionized everything in this world. A koala that's created so many inspiration quotes, there's no ending to him. The koala that "they" don't want him to succeed. The koala that they don't want him to eat. The koala that they don't want him to jet ski. The koala that they don't want him to have the good life. The koala that, of course, has water with every single meal he eats with Chef Dee. The koala that celebrates success with Ciroc Apple. The koala that doesn't play himself. The koala that doesn't want you to play yourself. The koala that knows cocoa butter is key. The koala that is certainly major key. 
     
       All he does is win, win, win, and all he wants to do is to Hold You Down. He tells you "you smart.. you loyal... you grateful..." and he appreciates that. He wants you to ride with him through the journey of more success. He promises you that success will come soon and he knows it.

His name, of course, is DJ Koaled. Elliptical talk coming soon. We the best.

"Congratulations, you played yourself."

          -DJ Koaled 20∞

Chapter Three - Where My Lady Koala At?

Chapter Three – Where My Lady Koala At?

       Today, I will be telling you where my lady koala went since I'm imagining that you are all wondering how the koala-hell I have children. To answer all of your unasked questions, yes, she did exist; no, I don't think she's dead; and yes, I might be twisting this story around just a little bit. Alright, thank you all for the questions. Now that we got that out of the way, lets get started with the story.

        So I think it was a Tuesday of some sort. But not like any normal Tuesday. It was a Tuesday that was filled with anger, sadness, grief, death, wildness, parties, florescent light bulbs, and three poker chips. A Tuesday that I only had a twenty-one hour sleep instead of my normal twenty-two. Now, let me tell you this, that one hour counts for everything. It determines if my day is going to be poop or not. I need my beauty sleep, and no one is going to get in the way of that. And that night before the Tuesday that some people like to refer to it as "Monday" was pretty crazy, so I really needed that one hour. Anyway, Koality, my lady, woke me up. And oh, the fury in my eyes was brighter than a forest fire. She knows, and I mean KNOWS, never to wake me up. I was extremely upset. So what did I do you may have unasked? Well, I packed my eucalyptus, gathered the kids (they were only 2 months old at the time) and left the tree with a peace out sign formed on my fingers. I didn't need this. I didn't need any of this feces. ESPECIALLY, on a Tuesday. 

        Agh, I'm so angry now. I'm going to sleep. Peace out.

This is me yelling.