Friday, February 19, 2016

Chapter Five – The Great Invention

Chapter Five –The Great Invention

       Today, I will be telling you the legendary story about our greatest invention to date, chocolate milk. It all started on, again, a Tuesday morning where I had been suddenly awoken from my deep twenty-two hour slumber. The night before this Tuesday was, once again, pretty rowdy. All of us koalas had a few rotten eucalyptus plants and got completely "wasted" as you hip kids would like to say it. Our "special eucalyptus" has this particular feeling, to which if consumed, you can no longer control the soft brains that we have. Anyway, I'm getting too off topic. On that day before Tuesday morning, I fell asleep on some unusual tree that I've never seen before. The leaves were thicker and wider than my standard eucalyptus tree. And it had this hanging fruit, or whatever it is, item off of the tree. Being my under-the-influence self, I thought this was my home tree. I was mistaken. What had appeared to awoken me was this miracle fruit thing that had fallen a few inches away from my pretty face, nearly hitting my little head. So, when I stood up and did my stretches, I climbed down the tree and discovered that the fruit had splattered all over the ground. The insides of this fruit contained some sort of a thick and brown gooey substance. Out of curiosity, I clawed this substance and licked it. To my surprise, it tasted disgusting. I started to run away from this devil tree and its deviled eggs too, never to turn back. I absolutely hated it. 

That's about it. Thank you for reading. 

This is me Tuesday morning. 

A great invention means to run away from something that tastes bad, right?

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Chapter Four - Major Key Alert!!!

Chapter Four – Major Key Alert!!!

       Today, I will be telling you about a koala that has revolutionized everything in this world. A koala that's created so many inspiration quotes, there's no ending to him. The koala that "they" don't want him to succeed. The koala that they don't want him to eat. The koala that they don't want him to jet ski. The koala that they don't want him to have the good life. The koala that, of course, has water with every single meal he eats with Chef Dee. The koala that celebrates success with Ciroc Apple. The koala that doesn't play himself. The koala that doesn't want you to play yourself. The koala that knows cocoa butter is key. The koala that is certainly major key. 
       All he does is win, win, win, and all he wants to do is to Hold You Down. He tells you "you smart.. you loyal... you grateful..." and he appreciates that. He wants you to ride with him through the journey of more success. He promises you that success will come soon and he knows it.

His name, of course, is DJ Koaled. Elliptical talk coming soon. We the best.

"Congratulations, you played yourself."
          -DJ Koaled 20

Friday, February 5, 2016

Chapter Three - Where My Lady Koala At?

Chapter Three – Where My Lady Koala At?

       Today, I will be telling you where my lady koala went since I'm imagining that you are all wondering how the koala-hell I have children. To answer all of your unasked questions, yes, she did exist; no, I don't think she's dead; and yes, I might be twisting this story around just a little bit. Alright, thank you all for the questions. Now that we got that out of the way, lets get started with the story.

        So I think it was a Tuesday of some sort. But not like any normal Tuesday. It was a Tuesday that was filled with anger, sadness, grief, death, wildness, parties, florescent light bulbs, and three poker chips. A Tuesday that I only had a twenty-one hour sleep instead of my normal twenty-two. Now, let me tell you this, that one hour counts for everything. It determines if my day is going to be poop or not. I need my beauty sleep, and no one is going to get in the way of that. And that night before the Tuesday that some people like to refer to it as "Monday" was pretty crazy, so I really needed that one hour. Anyway, Koality, my lady, woke me up. And oh, the fury in my eyes was brighter than a forest fire. She knows, and I mean KNOWS, never to wake me up. I was extremely upset. So what did I do you may have unasked? Well, I packed my eucalyptus, gathered the kids (they were only 2 months old at the time) and left the tree with a peace out sign formed on my fingers. I didn't need this. I didn't need any of this feces. ESPECIALLY, on a Tuesday. 

        Agh, I'm so angry now. I'm going to sleep. Peace out.

This is me yelling.